


put the makeup on, put on a show

by EtceterasEverywhere



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (a real one lmao), Clown shenaningans, Dan is a makeup artist, M/M, Phil is a clown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27229435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtceterasEverywhere/pseuds/EtceterasEverywhere
Summary: Phil is a clown and Dan is his makeup artist, and he kinda hates (likes) him a lot.Also called: *puts on clown's nose* "Let's write some gay clowns!"
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 31
Kudos: 38





	put the makeup on, put on a show

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hattoriscap](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hattoriscap/gifts).



> this silly thing is inspired by [Doha's wonderful au](https://twitter.com/whatisdnp/status/1307758580452524039?s=20)!
> 
> [listen to the title here](https://youtu.be/q_kFsrtkCnI)!

Being the makeup artist of a clown of all things was not a thing Dan would have imagined himself becoming at some point in his life. 

On his brief experience as an extra in some small theatre productions, Dan has always been fascinated by the makeup artists; they could manage to make someone look like a real zombie extraterrestrial ambiguous being, not that a zombie extraterrestrial ambiguous beings existed, but makeup artists could make Dan believe they could exist. ( _They could also make this extraterrestrial being look hot, which could just be Dan’s horny brain speaking, but he preferred to think it was all the makeup artists’ doing.)_

So yeah, Dan chose to be a makeup artist, because it was cool and artistic. Because he could create whole aesthetics and he could be touching hot lads’ faces without it being creepy or weird. It was all inside Dan’s triangle of priorities: good chats and laughs, aesthetics and dick, well, guys. ( _Dan was not really getting dick, even when he was being all flirty and hoeing around, he didn’t really fancy hooking-up with guys he worked with.)_ It was all good. 

Maybe it was the whole aesthetic thing that Dan liked about his last job, not the guy obviously. Well, kind of. While the clown ( _the clown!!!)_ was fit, he was an absolute pain on this ass, and not a good one.

Phil, the absolute clown was named Phil. With his squeaky shoes, and his oversized colourful weirdly-patterned clothes, all those freckles in his arms, and his stupid soft skin and three-coloured eyes, and his fucking tongue poking out while he laughed at Dan’s expense. Dan was so obsessed with him.

Even when they spent all of their time bickering in Phil’s changing room about Dan’s tendency to arrive late or Phil’s inability to keep his hands away from his face, Dan felt like he had a good time with him. He absolutely despised him, though; the many videos of him hitting Pietro ( _his Animal Crossing villager)_ with his net pretending it was Phil could be proof of his hatred against the clown.

Nobody could fucking say anything about Dan watching the clown’s show from behind the curtains, laughing at Phil’s mannerisms and clumsiness that he well knows it’s not acting. 

Nobody could also bring up the embarrassing number of times that Dan has left a bag of Haribo in Phil’s dressing room, or candy of any type. He just wanted Phil to have a small reward after doing a good show; it was not like Dan had a massive crush on the clown. 

( _“Someone keeps leaving candy for me in the dressing room.”_

_Dan stutters, “Huh?”_

_“Haven’t you seen anyone enter? Maybe they are trying to steal your dear clown from you.”_

_“For me, they can keep you as long as they keep their hands away from all the makeup, I’ve worked so hard for them.”)_

Maybe, a little bit. Maybe Dan spent his afternoons daydreaming about how he could ruin the same makeup he had put on Phil’s face, or how he could make a balloon float to Phil’s window and explode in many colourful pieces along with the confetti inside of it, making Phil smile because he liked those things. Sometimes, even, Dan thought about squishing Phil and see if he could let a little sound like a squeaky toy. That last one was not related to his crush, though, Phil just looked like he could let out a _squeak_ if he pinched him on his side, maybe falling with a _plop_ and a _boink;_ like a cartoon character. 

(“ _Can I pinch you?”_

_Phil blushes, “excuse me?”_

_“Can I pinch you? Like in your side, I’m trying to prove a personal theory.”_

_“No?” Phil goes back to clean his face in the mirror, it was weird to see all those colours go away along with the sponge on his hand, he was like an artist in reverse._

_“You are pretty.”_

_The clown’s cheeks were not with crimson makeup anymore, but with how hard he blushed it seemed like he just added more._

_“Can I have a hug?”_

_“What for?_

_“I don’t know, I have never hugged a clown, might tick that off from my list.”_

_Even with a confused expression on his face, Phil opens his arms and welcomes the makeup artist against his chest. Their hearts go along with the same beat, they may bicker a lot, but there was this lingering fondness between them. Phil couldn’t help it; the man in his arms was something wonderful. Dan was silly with all his black clothes and resting expression, eyes filled with glee every time Phil caught him watching his show, with colourful makeup and glittery nails._

_Dan squishes the clown._

_“Squeak!”_

_“There we go” Dan laughs in Phil’s shoulder.)_

Dan loved tracing Phil’s face, with a sponge or a _whatever that thing is please don’t injure me_ that the clown liked to call any of the brushes he used; his face was soft-looking and the freckles where small and Dan missed them the first time but after weeks of working with Phil we couldn’t take his eyes out of them. 

Yeah, Dan liked the clown; he liked him so much that he wondered if being a clown was just a state of mind. _Being a clown is not a choice,_ Phil’s small clown version provided in his mind, _it’s a game and I’m winning._ Even when he was not with Dan, he bothered him with his misuse of quotes and general words.

He couldn’t help it. Phil was captivating in the worst of ways. 

It was not a surprise when their bickering started to be small conversations and a little bit of flirting. Maybe, it was a surprise for the little Dan voice in his headbecause _the clown maybe liked him!! They could be gay clowns together!!_

It was less of a surprise when they started holding hands and going on dates. 

Dan despised the clown, though! He ate his cereal, and he let socks on the couch, and he put on his stupid squeaky clown nose whenever he wanted to prank Dan.

( _“I see your rainbow socks under the curtains, you clown.”_

_“Shut up!” A small squeal. “I’m trying to scare you.”_

_“I can see you, Phil, that won’t work.” Dan approaches Phil figure behind the curtains, and boops Phil’s nose._ _“I can even see your clown nose.”_

_“That’s not me.”_

_“Sure thing, bub.” Dan boops Phil’s nose again and goes back to the kitchen. “I’m making pancakes.”_

_Dan pretends to be surprised when the heffalump he has for boyfriend runs after him and jumps on his back, giving Dan a wet kiss on his cheek.)_

Maybe at the end, it wouldn’t have been a surprise at all to see a clown on his bed, breathing softly with his recent dyed pink hair falling on his forehead. With _oh, yeah,_ Dan thought, _with a fucking clown nose._

“The clown nose stays on during sex.” Phil had said last night.

God, he hated this fucking clown. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments are appreciated :3
> 
> reblog on [tumblr](https://etceteraseverywhere.tumblr.com/post/633147638374694912/put-the-makeup-on-put-on-a-show)!


End file.
